Eligible Inc.

I commonly hear the same complaints from men about women.

Here are the top five:

1. Too much nagging or complaining

2. Not as sexually interested or active as him. Withholding sex as punishment.

3. Trying to control or suppress a man or a lack of support

4. Not giving him enough space.

5. Possessive or jealous behaviour.

Having even one or two of these behaviours or traits present can easily lead to the end of an otherwise great relationship. Men are quick to simply cast blame on the woman for these relationship ailments but more often it’s because we’re not doing the right things in the relationship.

Sherrie Rose is a relationship expert and author of the book “Seven ways to fill her love bucket”. She guarantees that if the man ensures that the woman’s “love bucket” is full he has nothing to worry about.

In fact, there’s even a payoff.

Rose explains that a woman’s love bucket is made up of seven rings and if the man can fill even three to four of the rings he’ll be one happy guy.

They are:

1. Sex: Ensuring that she feels desired and content within a respectful sexual union.

2. Contact: Touching is important to a woman including gentle gestures of affection. When not in proximity, any type of consistent electronic contact is important.

3. Recognition: This includes appreciation and voiced recognition of her abilities and accomplishments. It also includes active listening and being present when both are together.

4. Provisions: Generally men are natural providers. Women feel cared for when we take a strong role in providing everything from tokens of our appreciation to exciting experiences together.

5. Do for: When we take certain burdens away from our partner she feels loved and taken care of. This can include taking the garbage out, installing shelves or cleaning the kitchen.

6. Do with: Doing things together whether they are laborious or for pleasure builds a strong union with our partner and women appreciate the feeling of being in a union.

7. Lifestyle: When a couple shares the same lifestyle aspirations and values it contributes to the excitement and contentment that a woman feels in the relationship.

Rose adds that all of these items have to be calibrated with timing (or frequency and duration), setting (for example private or public displays of recognition) and phase (or stage of the relationship).

What does Rose promise if the woman in your life has a full love bucket? A man can expect more and better sex, full engagement, loyalty and support, admiration, affection and love.

Given those kinds of results I’d say that filling her “love bucket” is worth a try!

-Gary

For the date that believes love is a juggling act:

Toronto International Circus Festival

The International Circus Festival is in town! Head to the big tent for saw jugglers, clowns, fire eaters, and all that the circus has to offer.

http://www.tocircusfestival.com

May 19^th – 21^st, 2012

For the date that believes chivalry isn’t dead:

Throne of Games

If you’re a fan of the Game of Thrones series or books then you know the lands of Westeros are filled with treachery, deceit and death. If that sounds too intense for a first date, then check out the improvised parody, Throne of Games at the Bad Dog Theatre.

http://www.baddogtheatre.com/bdt/shows/bad-dog-presents-throne-of-games

May 16 & 23,  2012

For a date that never looks a gift horse in the mouth:

Odysseo

Odysseo offers all of the acrobatics and aerobatics of a circus with an added equestrian flare. Discover this beautiful performance under the big white tent on Cherry Street.

http://www.cavalia.net/en/odysseo

May 17^th – June 3^rd, 2012

For the date that sings the blues:

Shakura S’Aida

Award-winning Shakura S’Aida performs music from her blues album Time at Revival followed by an acoustic set on Friday at Hugh’s Room.

http://www.shakurasaida.com/brownsugar/Home/Home.html

May 17^th & 18^th, 2012

-Whitney

I grew up in a strict household.

Strict, but my parents had two different approaches. The difference between my mother and father was that he was a rules man and my mother was more of a standards woman.

For example, the rule in our family was no attending dances until age fourteen and no dating until you’re sixteen years old. My father enforced the rules in black and white, absolute terms.

It was very difficult to hear from friends about what I had missed at school dances, but my parents gave heavy consideration to age suitability and appropriateness in everything.

However, at age fourteen my mother could see that I was very taken by a particular girl and that I really didn’t have a more personal way to get to know her.

Therefore, on a special occasion my mother arranged to take us both to a fancy restaurant with my mother acting as our chaperone and private chauffeur. Imagine the three of us in the front seat of the car as my mother tried to move the conversation on as non-awkwardly as possible.

Throughout the evening my mother would give me an affirming glance whenever I held the door open for the two of them and warmly smile across the table at me as I chose the right cutlery to hold for my various courses.

My mother understood that in dating, as in life, standards are of the utmost importance but also that under the right circumstances rules could be bent.

When I turned sixteen and was allowed to date, my mother strongly recommended “group dating” so that my options could be kept comfortably open. Options, she would explain, were crucial in affording ourselves the opportunity to learn what traits in the opposite sex we preferred, without committing to any one person too soon.

If I was to date “one-on-one” she was very clear on all areas of dating etiquette.  Everything from making the date a creative and fun experience to the good night kiss (or lack thereof) to all things a gentleman needs to know, would be discussed.

A note to mothers: teach your sons all that you can about being the right kind of man. It’s the best thing you can do for your daughters.

I still wonder what fun times I may have missed at those school dances before the age of fourteen, but I am more appreciative of what I gained in perspective on living with standards and dating integrity.

Thanks Mom and Happy Mother’s Day this weekend.

-Gary

For a date around the world:

The Gladstone Culinary Tour

For a taste of international cuisine, enjoy one of The Gladstones Culinary Tour’s as they explore the cultures and tastes of the world. The dinner includes a four-course, prix-fixe dinner with four wine tastings.

http://www.gladstonehotel.com/food/the-gladstone-culinary-tour-food-event

May 9^th – September 12^th, 2012

For the date gets bent out of shape:

National Chinese Acrobats
The National Chinese Acrobats will perform acts of martial arts, strength and dance all set to the music of the Kitchener-Waterloo Symphony.

http://www.sonycentre.ca/Events/Event-Detail.aspx?evtID=478

May 12^th, 2012

For a date that feels pretty:

West Side Story

A modern day Romeo and Juliet, The West Side story is a beautiful and romantic, yet masculine,  musical about love, rivals, and ethnicity.

http://www.dancaptickets.com/pages/westsidestory

May 8^th – June 3^rd, 2012

For the date that wants to go home:

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros is an indie folk-rock band with tons of energy and beautiful melodies. Ten members perform on stage with a variety of percussion and unique instruments to create a mesmerizing sound. 

http://edwardsharpeandthemagneticzeros.com/

May 13^th, 2012

-Whitney

Dr. Jess discusses “Talking Dirty”

See more ELIGIBLE TV episodes at www.eligiblemagazine.com/category/eligible-tv

Question: I’ve been dating a guy for a few weeks now and I must say that he’s arranged for some great dates. The other day he mentioned to me he was surprised that I didn’t thank him the day after a date. I always thank him after the date, isn’t that enough?

Answer:  This reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where Jerry feels that he’s thanked a friend enough times for the hockey tickets that he was given.

Kramer reminds Jerry that he must provide a day after thank you especially since another set of tickets are available for the upcoming Friday night game. However, Jerry thinks it’s unnecessary and refuses taking a stand against “over-thanking”.

Kramer responds that Jerry must if he expects the upcoming Friday night tickets also reiterating that the day after “thank you” is good manners and that good manners are the “glue of society”.

As it turns out Jerry’s friend was not impressed that the day after thank you wasn’t provided so Jerry ended up with sub-standard seats and a lesson learned.

So, you thanked him after he provided you with a fun and well-thought out evening but you don’t want to thank him the day after?

While it’s a reasonable argument to point out that you already thanked him, I would want you to know that the day after thank you makes us feel extra appreciated and therefore extra motivated to stay on point with our dating efforts with you next time.  A simple text or a quick email works just fine.

Look at it another way: could the man in your life argue that he already told  you that you’re beautiful a few weeks ago, so he shouldn’t need to say it again to you so soon? Of course not. We all like the reassurance and there are some things that you can never reiterate too much.

Consider that any girl can say thank you at the end of the date, but the girl that throws in the extra day after thank you is more memorable to us.

Just like Jerry Seinfeld jeopardized the next set of hockey tickets, without the extra little thank you, you could be jeopardizing the next date.

-Gary

Have a question? Simply email askaman@eligibleinc.com

For a date believes beauty is in the eye of the beholder:

Picasso at the AGO

The AGO’s  Pablo Picasso exhibit is now open, showcasing over 150 works and masterpieces by this influential and celebrated artist. The show includes iconic pieces such as The Matador and Celestina.

http://www.ago.net/

May 1^st – August 26^th, 2012

For the date needs to focus:

Contact Photography Festival

Check out over the largest photography event in the world with over 1000 local, national and international photography artists. The festival will feature installations that explore the personal and the public and the spaces in between.

http://scotiabankcontactphoto.com/

April 26^th- May 6^th, 2012

For a date that’s spinning right round baby, right round:

Vintage Record Sale

Are you or your date an amateur DJ or collector of vintage records? Drop by the Gladstone this weekend for deals on new and used LPs, 45s, 12’s.

http://www.gladstonehotel.com/events/event-listings/upcoming-events/event-detail?eid=3743

May 6^th, 2012

For the date that’s over the moon:

Supermoon!

For something a little different and unique, take a picnic down to the beaches this weekend to witness the Supermoon! On Saturday, the biggest full moon in 18 years will be in the sky, making it the most romantic skyline for a date.

http://www.space.com/11163-supermoon-biggest-full-moon-2011.html

May 5^th, 2012

-Whitney

Irmela Mensah-Schramm is a 66-year-old grandmother who is obsessed with neo-Nazis in Berlin.

That is, she is obsessed with removing neo-Nazi stickers and painting over their hateful graffiti.

Since 1986 she has scraped, painted over and crossed out more than 90,000 neo-Nazi stickers. Irmela is retired but fills her day from morning until night with her mission to make racism less visible and less viable.

Her life has been threatened many times, but nothing her adversaries have done is going to take her attention away from her goal. She is dedicated.

When it was suggested that her long hours of laborious efforts may not change a thing, she responded that she will only stop when the Nazis stop.

And besides she exclaims, “If you don’t do something, you won’t accomplish anything!”

Irmela’s point is that to go forward to any degree, you have to do “something”.

It reminded me of another saying that I like and that is: “If you’re not going forward, you’re going backwards”.

I’ve found that you can apply this saying to almost every situation.

A business consultant would tell you that if you’re business isn’t growing, it’s ever so subtly shrinking.

A fitness trainer would tell you that if your muscles are not being exercised and getting stronger or bigger, they’re definitely getting weaker and smaller.

A relationship coach or marriage counselor would tell you that if your relationship is not growing and getting better, it’s almost certainly getting worse.

In dating and relationships this is an important principle to remember.

If our “relationship muscles” are not being exercised then they are not getting stronger and it’s likely that over time they are getting weaker.

What are our “relationship muscles”? There are many, but the biggest and most important one is the communication muscle.

For example, if the habit of clear and open communication is not being exercised in the beginning stages of the relationship, the chances of clear and open communication in the future is highly unlikely.

Remember, as relationships continue the challenges can be formidable so a strong foundation of communication is imperative.

We’ve heard the saying that good relationships are hard work. I prefer to think of it as dedication with a view that the reward is greater understanding and happiness.

As Irmela Schramm’s dedication to her cause reminds us, without effort and dedication to our relationships, we cannot hope to accomplish “anything”.

-Gary

For a date that’s a little shellfish:

Shuck U

This spot offers an authentic, aphrodisiac dinner with a lesson on oyster shucking. Be prepared to get your hands dirty while you shuck and slurp!

http://www.hookedinc.ca

April 25^th, 2012

For the date prefers fact over fiction:

Hot Doc’s

Check out over 150 international documentaries at Hot Doc’s, North America’s largest documentary festival. Are you and your date avid movie-goers? Pick up a pass to see the best of the festival.

http://www.hotdocs.ca

April 26^th- May 6^th, 2012

For a date that’s cutting edge:

Fashion Art Toronto

For an edgier take on Fashion week, check out the 200 designers, performers and artists that are a part of this avant-garde event.

http://www.brownpapertickets.com/event/239775

April 24^th – 28^th, 2012

For the date that likes their peppers hot:

Red Hot Chili Peppers

Catch the Red Hot Chili Peppers this weekend as they play back to back shows at the ACC. This Grammy award winning, multi-platinum rock band is the perfect sing-a-long date with hits like “Dani California” and “Scar Tissue”.

http://redhotchilipeppers.com/

April 27^th & 28^th, 2012

-Whitney

I was a teenager sitting in the passenger seat of my mother’s car when a song that I’ll always remember came on the radio. The song was called “It’s Sad To Belong” by England Dan and John Ford Coley.

I had never really listened to the lyrics but on that occasion my mother was listening intently.

The song describes the tragedy of belonging to someone else, when the “right one” comes along.

When the song ended my mother turned to me, stared just long enough to get my full attention and in a poignant tone simply said, “This is a very sad song.”

As most teenagers would, I acknowledged that yes, it seemed to be a little sad and shifted my mind back to my own random thoughts.

She turned away and continued driving with a now moist and distant look in her eyes.

It was only a few years later that my parents divorced and I realized my mother had been thinking of her own unfortunate situation and the impact now playing out in her life.

Perhaps she had married the wrong man and was now dealing with the repercussions of marrying too young, or without enough information or self-awareness, or maybe it was life simply doing what it does sometimes. Whatever the reasons, the song had served to punctuate the regrettable place in her marriage at that time.

Now when I hear the song I’m immediately taken back to that moment in the car. I imagine myself driving with a son or a daughter and I try to empathize with what my mother must have been going through.

It doesn’t feel good.

We fall into love for so many reasons. Sometimes the draw can be out of our own wounds or insecurities but hopefully more often the attraction is for healthy reasons and is aligned with our true needs and romantic desires.

To find ourselves in a relationship that was wrought for the wrong reasons and has now become an empty and regretful place is, of course, a painful tragedy.

So perhaps part of the lesson in this story is to consider our approach to new love.

It’s imperative to mindfully take love seriously whenever it appears in our lives.

First, we must genuinely make the effort to understand if this new person is truly compatible for us and our personal needs and desires.

Will they love us the way we need to be loved? Can we love them the way we need to love another?

Once confirmed, we must invest ourselves completely by making the effort that is necessary to hold onto a love that may only come our way once in a lifetime.

-Gary